Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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