How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
