So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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