So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's shark week go big or go home
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
