I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
