If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
