Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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