I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
