i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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