Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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