For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
