It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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