you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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