she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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