Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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