this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
