I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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