Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize