I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
