Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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