I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
