So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
