there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
as a side note pls kill me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
