you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
