@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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