He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
