Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
