The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
