Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
