just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize