I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
