I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
porn star boner night. come get it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
