I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize