Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
