I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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