let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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