3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
