Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
