I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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