He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
