Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
