One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
