Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
