and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
