I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
