My balls are so social today.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
