you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize