Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
