Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
