New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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