Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
