uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
