I wish I could punch you in the face.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
