paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My vagina is officially offended.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
