i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
