i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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