she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
