Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
