i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
