'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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