Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize