There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
