Your mouth is God's brothel.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
