Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
