The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
