dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
