He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Still dying that you shit outside
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
