do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
