This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
