How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
