tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
