He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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