dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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