sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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