the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
