as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
