when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize