if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
where am i from again
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
