You're my little dorito
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize