is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
