peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
