This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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