billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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