i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
