Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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