sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
