That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
