The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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