You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
