Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
