Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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