I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
