Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
