Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
