There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Shame - the story of my life.
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