Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize