He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
