I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
