I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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