I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
