I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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