I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
